Beautiful men make you squeal? Your love life sucks? Falling in love with what you can't have? Sick and tired of hearing excuses why he doesn't want to go out with you? Why not use FEDSEX(TM)? We' re the fastest growing company in the world and specialise in kidnapping and shipping worldwide! FEDSEX(TM)- brought to your front door naked, blindfolded and tied! Free vial of ViagrAOURRRR! for only 300$ extra- all for your convenience! Call us at 00696969-XXX! Fast, reliable, discreet! Satisfaction guaranteed!
[Lawyer charges not included in the basic package]
Please note- although we offer a wide variety of services, in the case of celebrity kidnappings extra charges and handling fees apply. We also regret to inform you that particular celebrities are excluded from our range of services due to them being perpetually chained to the bed of the company owner. Unavailable articles include Gackt Camui, Bill Kaulitz, Olivier Theyskens and Uruha from the GazettE. We apologise for any inconvenience and hope to serve you soon!
[Rachael, half credit goes to you- I hope you will find this funny!]