Monday, March 08, 2010

Eat proper food, exersize, don't smoke, don't drink, don't fuck. Die healthy.

I think I want to organize an orgy.

Fat chance of that. I can barely organize my thoughts lately. I read everything wrong. I am either arbitrary relating it to sex or my misreading gives everything a new, more interesting meaning.

Jewelery makers become undertakers.
Travel agencies suddenly specialize in crepes.
Bet newspapers turn to sex marathon reports. And so on.

It could be funny. It is funny. But my energy has become lopsided, my grounding ability has gone to hell, I drop things, feel tipsy all the time and still have to think, work, walk... My attempts at walking are often misunderstood as tango between a drunken person and an invisible three legged bull on high heels. Fun, fun, fun. All my cds seem to be playing gibberish, like I've had my entire music collection stolen and replaced by the Martian top 40. And I am eating non-stop. My jaws are working overtime, gobbling down prodigious amounts of chocolaty, delicious, sugary, non healthy CRAP. Arghhhh...

I want to fondle tits, or have mine fondled. I want to be an Emperor, or run a ninja organization. I want a massage. I want to kiss the delicate fingers of Shinya, the drummer of Dir en Grey, and smack the Pope of Rome for his comment on gay people. I want all my farts to be silent and non smelly and my legs and magic carpet always waxed. I want to my tom cat to turn into a 1,90m tall black were-panther, who's well hung, polite and loves to lick me. I demand vacation, evacuation and non-smelly perspiration. Free chocolate and ice cream delivered to me till my last days by handsome ninjas in leopard thongs. Massage by the pretty Asian boys I ogle, all of them dressed exclusively in badass leather or period dresses for ladies, both versions with full make-up. Someone to take care of an indecent winged fellow that refuses to die in spite of my best efforts, and I am not referring to a mosquito. I want pillows stuffed with hamsters that smell like an almond tree in full bloom, a Japanese tattoo on my entire back, Sephiroth as my lover and Vampire Hunter D as my husband. And to cheat on them both with Totchi, the bassist of Dir en Grey dressed as a goth slut (see picture). And to give my period to someone else when I have it. And not get any zits or colds ever. And always have enough money regardless of anything else. And very very long hair.



Ludicrous said...

hahaha! Sorry, I just couldn't help but laugh. It's amazing how much things don't really change - through years and decades...
Your article reminds me that I'll turn 23 - it's supposed to be the worst of age - when you are suddenly aware of time passing by too fast, and future being emptier (emptier?) than before. Things you had dreamt of become utopias - things you wanted to happen just didn't, don't, won't.
Oh well, at least, those moments of awareness lead to great blog articles that make people laugh! No waste! ;)

Vasiliki said...

If you don't fuck, there's no way you can die healthy! :D

I've read an ad of a man who loves licking, αλλά εχει δεσμο. If that doesn't throw you off, I'll be happy to pass on his ad to you!

indigojester said...

No thank you. What I had in mind was MY cat transformed into a were- panther... sigh.

kleinevos said...

I'll join you in that orgy if Vampire Hunter D is in it! Shazam that would be hot!