Showing posts with label Greece. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Greece. Show all posts

Friday, May 20, 2016

Back online


After two weeks offline I have a running laptop again. Weee! Two friends gave me their old laptop, bless them. I have a history of using old computers and laptops. I've never had to buy one due to the kindness of friends. Truth is, I wouldn't have the money anyway.

I *did* notice that the world did not end during my internet absence. I also noticed how much time I spend on the computer. It's inevitable. I watch movies, listen to music, write letters and stories, kill time on social media. During my offline days, I read books. Lots of books. There is only so much reading a person can do and remain sane. I haven't discovered it yet. I do know I have to stop reading when my eyes burn and my head aches. It takes a long time to achieve that state of bibliophilic grace.

I am watching the sixth season of The Walking Dead. It is a very good series. It shows what happens when the social web collapses completely. Something not different than what's happening in Syria and many other places in the world now. If you subtract the zombies and add the 'good' European countries plus US and Russia bombing for freedom and the local factions killing anyone who doesn't belong to their faction, which is basically everyone else, the brutality and mindless killing is the same. What's happening in the world now is not different than a post-apocalyptic zombie series, but for some reason, human beings don't find this alarming. Unless it's happening in their neighbourhood, it doesn't concern them.

Recently a friend was telling me how lucky we are that we don't have a war here, and don't really realise our privilege. It's true. In a sense, my country is lucky. In another sense, we're not. If I place on the scales outright war and economic strangulation, I am not sure which one is worse. And economic war is happening on a worldwide scale. Billions of people are below the poverty line, or barely manage to live. How did we let this happen to this planet? Why are we not rallying on the streets instead of uploading coffee and doughnut photos in Facebook and Instagram with mobiles we bought on credit? What the fuck is wrong with us?

A few days ago I saw a series of dreams. I no longer remember what they were about, but I remember my state when I woke up. In my dreams I remembered how I felt when I was a preteen. The hope and awe and unbelievable sensation that life was open for me, that all possibilities were open. Now I am older, disillusioned, cynical almost, and so very tired that my soul aches. And it aches even more when I remember even for a little while how I used to feel. That amazing sensation of trust and faith and belief and the deep certainty my life would be so exciting, so amazing, so... magical. I don't dare think about it because it hurts so much and at the same time that sensation makes me feel alive. It makes me remember what it is to have faith and trust and an open heart. It cuts deep to expose how much I've lost on the way, and how much I can, perhaps, rediscover.

Here is a poem written about that:


Anesthesia

We dream, oh how we dream when we are young
and yet we grow up to become the lesser evil.
It is a matter of priorities
cowardice disguised as sensibility
and the princesses, and the phoenixes, and the feats of bravery
we just grow up to become the lesser evil.
What will your mother say?
Will the neighbours be jealous?
Is he the right one?
Your classmates would have laughed
(like they always did, no surprise there)
and on our deathbed we finally know
we grew up to become the greatest evil.

27th of July,  2010
 
Be good to someone tonight. Just to one person, yourself included, and just for tonight.

Sunday, December 13, 2015

Greek reality

 

I've found work in a supermarket. To say it's terrible would be an understatement. To help you understand the mentality, there is a chair behind the till because if the store doesn't have one, they are subject to a fine. However, if you sit and they see you on camera, you may get fired. They are understaffed, because the owners don't want to hire enough people and pay wages. The money you get for working six days a week without a day off is 500 euro. I know, you are thrilled. I am trilled too. I'm already sick with a cold because I didn't get enough sleep while I do work for two people. I'm a hair away from going to the headquarters of the company, finding the owner who interviewed me before hiring me and telling him what I really think of his professional ethos. It won't be pretty. I'll probably use the company shirt to strangle him. But I need the money and so I say nothing and stay where I am, though I hate it. It is not going to be easy. I'll be working every day until the end of year, including Sundays.

I have to keep reminding myself I need the money. I have to keep repeating, "remember who the real enemy is". I have to keep telling myself not to pay attention to the fact after a full year of frantically looking for a job all I managed to find was this one. I wouldn't have found this one either if it wasn't for knowing someone who knew someone else and I got special treatment. Imagine that. You need to use your connections to get jobs like this one, where you slave away for six days a week every week for the rest of your life to get paid 500 euro. I pity the ones who have to do this for the rest of their lives; they deserve a metal of valour, an honourable mention, something. Companies work them like slaves and suck them dry and they can't quit without leaving their family unfed, without risking everything they've got.

Strip a person naked, take everything away, and they can still hold onto their dignity.
Remember who the real enemy is in this game. Don't lose sight of your goal.
You need the money. You need the money. If you are going to go to UK, you need to save money. So keep working and keep looking for something else at the same time.

I am out for your blood. You can't stop me. Throw as many monkey wrenches into the equation as you want. You are only making me angrier. You are only making this worse for yourselves.
It's going to hurt so much, and when I am done with you, there will be nothing left.
Keep your head down and remember who the real enemy is.

"...Look at me.
I am pilot error, I am fetal distress, I am the random chromosome...
I am complete and total madness. I am fear.
...You are all going to die." 
The Crow

Saturday, December 15, 2012

About the situation in Greece


Some people ask me what the situation in Greece is like.
I am no good at making political analysis. But I can give you a good synopsis of what's going on. Click on the link below.


Malakas= asshole. But in this instance, it means idiot, someone who's been taken for a ride.

If you really want to know about Greece, please take a few moments of your time to read and watch/ read  those two.
On the other hand, it might seem that Greece is very far away and it's not something you should bother with. Well, it's not. Anything and everything that happens on this planet will sooner or later come and knock on your door, too. No matter how far you may live, or how safe you think you are.
Don't believe the media.
Thank you for your time.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Up the wall



I was listening to my mother talking with another woman. They were commenting on the fact an old Greek singer has a son who's gay, and the father got so mad about it that he stabbed his son when he caught him in the act. My mother was explaining to the other woman that this singer is a proper man and he cannot put up with such behaviour on his son's behalf.

I kept my mouth shut, because there was absolutely nothing I could have said that would offer something to the conversation. I wanted to spit on my mother's face at that moment. And what would that offer?

"None are as blind as those who will not see".

When I heard this quote for the first time, I could not understand to what it referred. Now I do. It refers to people in general. We all more or less have that infuriating quality, the ability to ignore what is in front of our eyes because it is not convenient. We do not want to see because we are afraid, or don't want the responsibility of our own actions, or it does not fit with our world view and does not agree with our plans. It's far easier to reject or fear that which we don't understand or like. In this case, it's being gay. "It's wrong. It's abnormal. It's against God". Utter crap people will pose as arguments against what they are afraid of, because it is different than what they themselves do.

I am sick of this planet in general. The best thing I can do is keep to myself because I am sick of having conversations that end up with me in a screaming fit. I am just too tired to listen to bullshit. I am not going to judge people because they want to sleep with people of the same sex. As long as they are both consenting adults, why the hell should I play traffic regulator in their beds? Who cares if they want be fucked with men, women, girl scouts, Arabic stallions or dwarf ladies with beards? Unless it's your ass their dick or fingers are preoccupied with, if you'll excuse my language, what the hell do you care?

Argh. No, I must not buy another deck of Tarot cards to blow off steam...

We are sick inside the heads. That's all I can think of. I am sick too, I just don't know it. I don't see my bias because they are my own. I am sick with a terrible disease called being human. That race of morons and degenerates that worships trinkets and ignores the truest treasures. People want bling blings. They do not want pearls of wisdom, they do not want the truth. The truth is never pleasant or amusing and yet it cuts to the heart of the matter like the sharpest scalpel, like the most refined diamond blade.

We are all very, very sick. And I feel sorry for all, including myself, and there are days I wish I was the blindest of all.

But my eyes will not go away, my spirit will not cease to thirst. My eyes will never go away, and they do not fail me, they no longer fool me. Not after all this time and the shit I have been through. I have become the opposite of innocent; I have become a suspicious curmudgeon that views people as a possible source of annoyance, their mouths true springs of stupidity, their hearts barren wastelands, devoid of anything of value. I am sick of it. And it does not end. It never does.

What I can do is rest temporarily; I sleep like a bird upon the fragile melody of a song I love. I rest my eyes upon the sheen of the raven black hair of a beautiful man I cannot have. I smell a rose and know that this flower knows everything there is to know. It doesn't hold back; it blooms in perfect glory for everyone to see and smell. And no-one sees it. No-one bothers to smell it; they pass by it walking in a hurry, hypnotised by their lists of "IMPORTANT things to do" "IMPORTANT people to talk to" "IMPORTANT phone-calls they cannot miss" no matter if they are driving, fucking or taking a crap. Their cell phones follow them even in the toilet. They behave like cocaine crazed gangsters closing in on a target. I on the other hand see the flowers blooming in the evening gloom and they are poems, they are explosions of colours that stupefy the mind and defy any attempt at a description. These colours are sometimes strong enough to feel that they leave an afterglow, a haze of colour in the space around them. I remember describing one of my heroes in a story, perhaps the most beautiful one I have, and his skin is at the same time translucent and blinding, like an angel or a white iris that immaterialises in front of one's eyes, the colour of his face a ghostly white like thick milk that slowly dilutes in water.

I live only for those moments nowadays. The unexpected rose waiting for me at the next corner. The humble jasmine that smells to the high heavens, not yelling but chiming its beauty in a tapestry of smell that sounds like a wild array of the tiniest silver bells you can imagine. I live for the next album by my favourite band and the smell of my cat's fur when he sleeps next to me in the morning and the Pre-Raphaelite paintings that make me lose my speech. I live for my next ice-cream, and the next kawaii order, so full of colours and designs, and the next book or manga I'll read and the next time I'll sleep and my life will be once more exciting. I no longer live for understanding; I no longer live for human fulfilment. I see myself screaming like a woman that's gone not just slightly crazy but completely homicidal bananas and I scare myself with how much sick I am. Sick just like them.

I just wish, wish, wish I could once more dream like I used to.
I try.
God knows I try, while looking frantically inside my heart for the spark to set everything ablaze.

Thankfully the newest album by Dir en Grey is out. "Dum spiro spero". As long as I breathe, I hope.
Please god/dess. Please.
I have no strength left anymore.
Thank you.


Thursday, April 24, 2008

Seriously trying.

I am seriously trying not to pay any attention to the stupidity of people anymore. Seriouly trying. But I fail spectacularly.

First of all, my lower back is killing me. I have been doing all the wrong things, not physically, but there are quite a few things that can cause physical pain although they are not causing any physical strain. And believe me, I am not referring to sex. :-)

Secondly, I am the first to admit I am opinionated. Opinionated as fuck, to be more precise. This is why I do not converse with strangers most of the time, because when they start blurting out racistic, homophobic or just plainly stupid opinions that they label "arguments" I want to kick them hard enough to make them spit their balls out. I do not have the patience to explain to them WHY they are stupid. I just want them gone from my view ASAP, and usually to make this happen I just start screaming obscenities. This happened a couple of days ago. Again.

Someone came to my work and unfortunately, we started a conversation related to gay people. He said, "I do not have a problem with them", which is the usual openminded-my-arse cover everyone uses to avoid being called a homophobe, "but one of them is staying in my building. And if I have a kid, what then? If he or she sees two men kissing, what then?"

Right you are, fella. If he or she sees that sight unfolding in front of them, the gay virus will immediately enter them through their innocent eyes. Those two men will get their gayness all over your poor kid and then it will be the end. You kid will become immediately gay. Next step will be to shave her head if it is a girl, let her armpits unshaved till they look like the hairstyle of the singer from Tokio Hotel, and buy herself a tank and a box of multicoloured strap-ons. Or if it is a boy, he will shave his legs, wear one of his mother's dresses (preferably a fuscia red one), pierce his ding dong and go out to satisfy his endless craving for you-know-what kind of meat. Nice, isn't it? Going through all the trouble and expences of reproducing because you need an empty canvas to fill with your complexes and stupidity, and that kid *squeeeeal!* turning out gay. Oh, the horror! Oh, the disappointment! I suppose that when you fuck your wife in missionary position a little voice tells you that you have signed a contract with God and your child will be "normal". Perhaps gay people come out when you fuck doggy style. You should check that too. One can never be too careful with these things.

Question number one: If your son sees two women kissing, is that okay? Because I have noticed that I see a lot of -supposed- lesbian couples in those magazines you buy because you are such a hard, uncompromised, manly man. I suppose this doesn't count. Forgive me. How stupid of me...

Question number two: If your kid never sees two men kissing and he or she still turns out gay, what then? Who's to blame? Who's to burn on that stake you have prepared already? Maybe your kid?

Needless to say, I told him that I hope a meteorite lands in Greece and eradicates the population, because they (Greek men) are homophobic, racist, religion-obsessed fuckwits. :-) Now go on and blame me for that.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Nearly forgot.

A few weeks ago fans of two different football/basketball/volleyball teams got into a huge ruckus and virtually kicked the living crap of each other. One person was stabbed to death and many seriously injured. It is morning, I am at the kiosk opening and arranging the newspapers, and shaking my head with disgust as I read these headlines. A friend of mine, Theodore, who's half American half Greek, is asking me what happened. I explain to him that this is the Nature's method of weeding out the stupid ones. At that point another person who hears this conversation interferes and tells me, "yes, and I can tell you exactly what happened." "I'm not interested", I tell him. "No, let me tell you." "I don't want to know", I tell him, "these people are idiots who get what they deserve anyway." "Yes, you are right," he insists, "but let me tell you what happened." This utterly stupid conversation goes on for another one or two minutes, with him insisting that I have to know and me telling him off. Finally he says, "you have to know because you are Greek ." Failing to see any connection between the two things, I turn around dumbfounded and ask him, "so what?" Please read the ensuing conversation.
Him: "What do you mean 'so what'? You are Greek, aren't you?"
Me: "Yes, so what? I don't give a toss about it."
Him: "You mean that if an Albanian comes and burns the Greek flag outside your kiosk, you won't care?"
Me: "He can use the flag to wipe his ass with it if he feels like it, I don't give a fuck."
This freaked him out enough to make him go and leave me alone at last.

I AM NOT GREEK, GODSDDAMMIT. I am human. Do you have any idea of what human means? I am not Greek, female, orthodox Christian, or any of that social conditioning crap. I am just human. What does Greek mean, besides having Greek education? Greek ancestors? There is no such thing as a pure blood anything! There have been endless blood mixtures over the millennia and that's the way it should be, for healthy genes. Besides, modern-day Greeks can no more lay claim on the great philosophical and mathematical ideas of ancient Greece. At least, not any more than any educated person of any race can. That was two thousand five hundred years ago, people. Do you have anything recent to show me that proves a connection to those great minds? NO. Then shut up. Religion equals fear equals mental poison. And as for gender, it reveals nothing more about me than the fact I belong to the birth giving sex. SO FUCKING WHAT?!

I am only ONE thing, fellas, and get it right because I will not bother explaining it more. I am human. And God/dess knows, NOT PROUD OF IT. How could I? Take a look around and tell me. How could I?